This week, I turned 40! We’re also celebrating major family milestones, including one daughter graduating from kindergarten and another graduating from elementary school. As Father’s Day and summer break approach, I’m reflecting on this season of life, and revisiting the idea of “Surthrival”, the space between surviving and thriving. If you’re navigating a surthrival season of your own, this episode is for you!
Tidy Tidbits #63 - What Turning 40 Is Teaching Me About Life
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Substack.
The Stories We Tell About Parenthood
On Monday night, Emily and I enjoyed a rare date night and found ourselves in a stunning penthouse overlooking Union Square for a celebration of Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men’s Lives, the new book by Darby Saxbe, PhD. (I also interviewed Darby on Tidy Tidbits. I highly recommend the listen!)
Darby’s research reveals that the story of parenthood has a profound impact on fathers. Darby and her team of researchers are studying what actually happens to men as they become parents, including the ways our brains, priorities, identities, and lives are reshaped by caring for children. Previous research has focused on the fact that parenthood changes women, and she argues that it also changes men.
In fact, they found many similarities between the “mom brain” and the “dad brain”… the differences are between the “parental brain” and the “non-parental brain”.
As I listened to Darby speak to a crowd of nearly 100 people, I found myself thinking about my own fatherhood journey and back to a decision I made years ago.
The Decision That Changed Everything
When our oldest daughter was two years old and our youngest was nine months old, New York’s Paid Family Leave policy passed and was implemented across the state. As a working parent with a child under the age of one year old, I was eligible to take it. I made the decision to become one of the first fathers in the state to participate in family leave that also paid me a portion of my salary while I cared for my children.
While on leave from my work as a school administrator, I filmed a campaign for the New York Governor’s office to help spread awareness about the new policy and the positive impact it was having on our family.
A few months later, I made another decision.
